Worst Thing About Readings & Bookfairs

I love meeting new people and telling stories live and in person. Comes from a childhood where everyone around the dinner table was completely full of shit and spent the whole meal vying for attention through control of the family narrative. The oral tradition ran rampant, as we often would crash other family members’ recitations of events and take them in a completely different direction. Sort of the same thing you see in mash-up songs.

Of course, depending on whose story you commandeered, and what direction you then took it – especially if you change the previous teller from the hero to the villian, or worse, victim – there was always a risk of a fist fight breaking out. Our dinner table has been cleared by flying bodies a few times. Life on the edge.

So, I really enjoy telling stories at readings. In fact, at most of my readings, people don’t really want to hear me read at all. Most have already read the book. They’d rather hear the backstory to it all. So, I can easily fill an hour with Q&A alone.

Similarly, when I go to book fairs, I get so caught up trying to entice people to my book table with outrageous salesmanship, I rarely close the deal with a sale of the tons of paperbacks I transport to and fro. I always end up shipping most of the paperbacks back home. Although the attendees I engage often go online on their phones in front of me and buy one or more of my books on kindle – which is more economical for an attendee and doesn’t force them to carry it around with them for the day. But the truth is I hate to stop the thrilling interaction to do that selling part. Turn a great conversation about books – or just about anything else – into a business transaction. Makes me feel like Fred Garvin.

https://www.bing.com/videos/riverview/relatedvideo?q=SNL+Male+Prostitute+skit&mid=9D108836DEE3B97271589D108836DEE3B9727158&FORM=VIRE

Hell, I often give the paperbacks away when the person seems nice enough on the theory that if they read that one they will spend the money to buy and read the others. They will also tell their friends about our interaction. Bread on the water.

Drives my wife crazy – an expensive hobby indeed.

Now I tell places that I don’t want to sell my books at events like readings, but that I will do the entire dog and pony show, including inscribing everything placed in front of me, taking selfies and exchanging hugs. And I promised myself that I will never stop signing, selfying or hugging, based on a schedule until the last attendee who wants their book inscribed, gets their inscription. A writer is nothing without the supporting readers.

I figure if someone wants to come see me “read” they will probably already have the book, and already read it. If they want something signed, they can order it on Amazon – arrives in a couple of days – which helps my sales numbers and rankings, and bring the book(s) with them to the event for me to inscribe. And even if an attendee comes just to listen to me, from a marketing standpoint, my interactive performance usually convinces them to buy my books after they leave. Accessibility is the best form of marketing.

So the worst part of readings is having to sell books. It’s like asking to be paid for having sex.

Now, I stopped by the Berthoud Library yesterday, after dropping a completely inscribed – to Tyler Steinbrunn of West Creek NJ,

an excellent young nephew – shot putting in the above photo – of my good friend Pete Sheridan (yep, Buck from WTLLM) – set of the books – the books in the opening photo above – at the town Post Office, because the library was right next door. I wanted to speak with a wonderful young woman, Thora Siemsen – the “Outreach and Operations Specialist” for the Berthoud Public Library – to check in to make sure we were on the same page over things like book sales at the Berthoud Literary event the Library was sponsoring in September. I explained how I don’t like to sell books at events. Thora explained that some third party book seller would be on site and handling all of that and I wouldn’t have to be involved in any transaction beyond inscribing whatever books they sold (or are otherwise brought along to the event by the attendees). Problem solved.

I guess it’s like having a pimp.

Now Packie Jo Gilheany, https://www.facebook.com/packie.gilheany another contemporaneous St Maggies Alum, and a childhood friend who set up the September 25th reading gig at An Béal Bocht Cafe – https://www.anbealbochtcafe.com, promised me to be my pimp that night, selling whatever books I would bring along to the event. I figure I can order a box from BRW and have them delivered to my brother John’s house in Riverdale and then turn them over to Packie Jo to deal with. No money will change hands between me and my readers. And I will still get to happily inscribe any book or body part placed before me.

So that will be my new way to handle the worst thing about readings – lay off the money handling on a local book pimp.

Well, Saturday has arrived and my chores await, so I better get at ’em.

But first my kitty cuddle and my rounds.

You fine, five readers take care of those errands. And then go have some fun.

And no matter what else we get up to, let us make today a great one.