Selling Yourself

Despite my best intentions and a pitbull of a wife that has spent over four decades trying to change this part of me (who am I kidding, most of me – I cannot blame her), I remain the ultimate procrastinator.

I mean, think about it, I left writing to the very last minute, and I almost didn’t send The Wise Ass into Black Rose Writing, because I couldn’t figure out how to combine all the separate Word chapters it was written in into one complete PDF document and was about to leave it for later (never) but Lisa chewed my ass off and made me figure it out.

Well, yesterday, after I completed some indoor and outdoor chores here on Casa Claire, which included food prep and shit shoveling, I came into my office and reached out to my old friend and An Beal Bocht contact, Packie Jo Gilheaney,

https://www.facebook.com/packie.gilheany

and asked if there was anything that he needed from me before the 9/25 reading date.

I mean, after all, it’s only just over two weeks away.

Now, I need to make a side note here. My dear friend, legal and literary colleague, brilliant author and a natural born marketing genius, Marissa Bañez,

https://www.amazon.com/stores/Marissa-Ba%C3%B1ez/author/B0BR7ZSLS5?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1725793606&sr=1-1&isDramIntegrated=true&shoppingPortalEnabled=true

had told me months ago that I needed to create a professional looking poster and flyer for these readings – she even selflessly offered to create one for me – and, of course, in true grasshopper fashion, I procrastinated. Sorry M, I appreciate the offer. My bad.

I’ve never put together a flyer, other than for missing pets, so, in panic mode, I grabbed my favorite photo of me and Claire, my favorite photo of The Claire Saga, and linked them together with some introductory copywriting to try to make it coherent.

The opening photo is the top part of the end product of my flyer.

I almost put “LOST” at the top. It would have been fitting.

Here’s the bottom.

Twenty minutes later, I sent it off to Packie Jo.

I assume, by that little circle of Packie-Jo at the end that he saw it. Packie is charming but taciturn.

And then I realized that I had not done one for the Downey’s Bar & Grill reading in Riverdale proper two nights later.

So, I figured I would go with the same favorite photos and just tweak the last sentence, playing a little bit more on my Riverdalian roots.

Thank God, Brian – slightly less taciturn but equally charming –

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100009080166460

signed off on it right away.

Now, as I look back at this, I realize that this slap-dash method of getting through life has gotten me this far, so why wouldn’t I continue along this same path with my book reading marketing.

Honestly, if I had put together a professional looking flyer/poster, my Riverdale friends – especially if any members of the OFC/PWIC are at either Bronx reading – would probably drag me into the men’s room, throw me a beating, de-pants me, toss me in a car trunk and drop me down by the Hudson river just for old times sake. Get over yourself.

No, this flyer/poster will show all those who really know me that I haven’t changed one iota. And what they see is what they’ll get. Ain’t much, but it’s real.

So, if any one or more of my fine, five readers happen to be in the Bronx that last week of September, stop by at either/both An Beal Bocht Cafe (South Riverdale) on Wednesday, 9/25, at about 7 (Irish time)

https://www.anbealbochtcafe.com/

and/or Downey’s Bar & Grill (North Riverdale) on Friday, 9/27, at about 7 (Riverdale time)

https://www.facebook.com/downeysbarandgrill

Now please do me a favor and get there early and eat their great food and drink lots of alcohol to your hearts are content. It will make the owners of both the establishments less likely to shoot themselves for agreeing to host my readings.

Plus, my best audiences are well lit. My books and stories sound more coherent if you are drunk and are told in the same manner as I would tell you sitting around a table in any Bronx bar just before “last call.”

And remember, these are my first and only Bronx readings. Ever. You don’t want to miss it/them.

Oh, and one final point, attendees will be searched for weapons and rotten fruit upon their arrival, so if you are going to fire or throw something at me, make it fresh off the dessert menu. That way the proprietors won’t mind cleaning up the mess. If the OFC or PWICs intend to pie me, Chocolate Cream or Key Lime are my favorites.

And I do encourage anyone and everyone who comes to video the event and post it immediately on your favorite and most popular social media accounts. Especially if someone pies me.

So, as is my way with these blogs, I remain an open book and want to continue to share all of the detailed thinking and planning that goes into making any book a success. Or not.

No PR companies or focus groups. Just grassroots, word of mouth, gut marketing.

Luckily, my appearance as part of the Berthoud Literary Festival on Saturday, September 21st has been far more responsibly handled. Thank you Thora

Thora Siemsen

Outreach and Operations Specialist

Berthoud Community Library District

(970) 532-2757

Well, I still have two more weeks to get through before the fun begins, and lots of Casa Claire chores to keep me grounded.

So, I better get moving.

Kitties to cuddle then rounds to make.

I know most of you fine, five readers will be watching Sunday NFL football.

So will the grans.

And no matter what else we get up to, let us make today a great one.