Well, yesterday was a first.
I was working diligently in my basement office when I heard Blue barking. Then I heard the bang of my heavy metal door knocker, Geoffrey, on my front door. So I went up and looked out and saw a Honda SUV backing out of my driveway.
Not wanting to miss the opportunity for human interaction, I went out to the driveway and waved the way a castaway on a deserted island waves at a passing plane. Think Tom Hanks and Wilson.
Well, the car spots me and drives back towards the house.
As they got closer I could see it was four women.
I liked those odds.
Anyway, Claire and Honey were watching, so I knew I had backup.
As the women pulled up beside me, the driver rolled down her window and said something which led me to believe that they were not here to discuss my books. They were there to discuss The Good Book.
Now, being raised Bronx Irish Catholic, a virulent strain of the Roman sect, I was quite familiar with The Good Book.
These women all had sunny dispositions and pleasant smiles and I could see were friendly enough.
So, realizing the oncoming sales pitch, I wanted to save them some time.
“Sorry ladies. While I respect your proselytizing, I’m a Druid.”
Now that drew a visual response and a few chuckles.
“As a matter of fact,” I continued, “If I were to reach into that car and allow you to hand me that pamphlet, we would probably all go up in flames.”
One of them then said, “Well, you are speaking with us now and nothing has happened.”
“Yes,” I responded, “but I haven’t physically crossed the plane of the open window into the interior of your car.”
At this point, I could see they were trying to assess if I was serious, or just crazy.
“What’s your name young man?” Said the elder woman sitting shotgun in the front seat.
“Tom McCaffrey,” I responded.
“Any relation to the Irish writer Anne McCaffrey?” She continued.
“I only wish,” I said. “Although we all come from the same town in the North.”
“Well my brother-in-law is a McCaffrey,” She replied proudly, “and Anne once invited him to Ireland for a visit.”
Now I know Anne McCaffrey was originally from out in northern middle America before she moved to Ireland, so I was thrilled and quite jealous of this news.
“Well, I’m a writer too.” I responded.
“Oh yes,” said the pretty woman in the back. “What have you written?”
I pointed to my ubiquitous hat.
“I am afraid to repeat the title on the chance I would offend the audience.” I replied.
That drew a laugh from the whole car.
“Listen,” I continued. “You ladies all seem very nice and I respect your work. Indeed, I hope you can convert the entire block, so that I am the only sinner amongst them.”
That drew another laugh.
“But, I’m not a viable prospect for your noble intentions.”
They started to respond, when I cut them off.
“What are you ladies going to do when the aliens arrive from space next year?”
“I’m sure they will want to learn about Jesus.” The driver responded without missing a beat.
I could tell she meant it.
Realizing both sides were beating a dead horse, the women thanked me for my time and waved warmly as the driver threw the Honda in reverse. I smiled and waved as they backed down the driveway.
One of the women in the car shouted out that they had left me a pamphlet by the door.
As they pulled out of the driveway, I wondered whether this religious squad was sent by my devoutly religious and otherwise incorrigible BIC legal buddy Pete Sheridan, who is the basis for the character Buck Sheridan in WTLLM. He is desperately worried about my eternal soul.
Funny, I made him immortal. And his wonder dog, Fergus.
Turn about is fair play.
When I got to the door there was the pamphlet.
I may keep this one as a reminder.
Anyway, I must move on. Chores to do.
Thank God it’s Saturday.
I will go cuddle a kitty and do my rounds.
Then the farrier comes for the mules mani-pedis.
You fine, five readers get on with your weekends.
If it involves some time in Church, God bless you all. Say a prayer for me.
I always hedge my bets.
No matter what belief system gets us through our days, our creator would want us all to make today a great one. So let’s honor that idea.
And thank you Apostle ladies. I enjoyed the company and the conversation.
Keep up the fine work.
7 Responses
Funny gnome, that McCaffrey fella. In some sort of parallel quark, we got Jehova’d yesterday too. Must have been an internayional Campaign Day, since there are still very public celebrations amongst the Orthofox/Hasidic communities, too. I was ever-mindful yesterday yesterdaycwas tge Feast of St. Bruno, founder of the truly devout Carthusian Order. THOSE fellas truly live their credo – and “stand fast to the Cross.” Meanwhile, when it vcomes to certain cheerful, elfin wannabe renegade Druids (who will never pass the ritual blood-sacrifice Druid Regents final exams), we must quote the Sainte Fatger Flanagan of Boys Town: “Tgere is no such thing as a ‘bad boy!'” 🙏☘️💪🫶
Apologies for the typos. It is a 3-way foggy day (weather/brain/eyes) in auld Pearl River today.
Quantum Entanglement at its best!
Tom, I initially purchased and read your books because you’re a local author, and have (delightfully) enjoyed your entertaining writings / musings ever since. I am not one to typically respond to anything online but this blog brought to mind a friend of mine who taught me a great lesson years ago. He was a natural debater (and not a ‘religious’ believer) and he loved engaging people in in-depth conversations about almost any topic. He once told a story about inviting in the Jehovah’s Witnesses that showed up on his doorstep and the subsequent conversation that ensued. He made it sound so fun that ever since then, when I have the time, I have done the same. I always warn them ahead of time that I’m not going to convert to whatever they’re selling but that I am happy to discuss their beliefs and their stories. Some of the ensuing conversations have been boring, some enlightening, some actual fun, but the ones that have been most rewarding are the ones where one of the individuals engages to the point that it seems they are really reconsidering what they had previously accepted as fact. I call it reverse proselytizing. 🙂
Marjie (love that spelling), thank you so much for being a local supporter of my writing. If I wasn’t actually working on a deadline that day, I might have invited the four ladies in for tea. Unfortunately, I only had the time for some driveway fun and banter. I never mentioned JW in my blog, because I didn’t want to offend any particular group. I would have, and have over the years, done the same for many other proselytizing groups. Back in Riverdale, I had a young African American friend who was very much into his born again church and was always trying to convince me to give it a go. Every day he would come at me with his best shot, and every day I would politely and humorously offer my counter. Finally, he showed up at my door one Saturday morning with his Reverend, another young, charismatic and devoted African American, who then spent the next two plus hours at my dining room table having coffee and cake and doing his best to help me find the way. Having been raised a BIC – Bronx Irish Catholic – I was quite familiar with all of this young man’s arguments. And I knew he had the best interests of my eternal soul in mind for making the pilgrimage. I appreciated the effort. We had a marvelous time. I like to think that the Reverend sharpened his skills that day, even if he didn’t come away with a win. On the other hand, I’m sure the Reverend and my friend were convinced that they had planted their seeds of redemption, and that someday, I would come around. You must always offer them hope, for you do not want to curb their enthusiasm.
Tom,
You’ll have to update your comments about the 5 readers of your blog. I signed up yesterday, so that makes SIX!!
Clarence aka C
Claire’s Theorem: “While there may be a million readers signed up for email delivery of the Wise Novelist daily blog, only 5 readers will ever read the blog at one moment in time.” Infallible quantum physics is involved. Who am I to argue with Claire. Come on Clarence, you’ve met her 😉 indeed, you are the only human in the galaxy with her autograph.