A Night In An Beal Bocht Cafe

The term An Beal Bocht, rose to fame as the title of a novel by Irish poet, Flannery O’Brien.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/An_B%C3%A9al_Bocht#:~:text=An%20B%C3%A9al%20Bocht%20(The%20Poor%20Mouth)%20is%20a%201941%20novel

As an establishment in the Bronx, it has built upon its literary foundation.

https://www.riverdalepress.com/stories/a-pub-keeps-up-irish-tradition-in-riverdale,60805

https://bronx.news12.com/visit-an-beal-bocht-caf-home-of-the-arts-and-a-bronx-staple

https://www.irishecho.com/2012/5/an-beal-bocht-nurtures-arts-21-years-on#:~:text=An%20Beal%20Bocht,%20inspired%20by%20the%201941%20novel%20in%20Irish

https://poormouththeatre.blogspot.com/p/don-creedon.html#:~:text=Poor%20Mouth%20Theatre%20Company%20was%20founded%20in%20March%202010%20as

https://www.anbealbochtcafe.com/#:~:text=An%20Beal%20Bocht%20Cafe%20is%20the%20home%20to%20the%20Arts

An Beal Bocht (gaelic for “The Poor Mouth”) Cafe is a Celtic iconic establishment in The Bronx. Opened in 1991 by Dermot Burke to feed and entertain Celtic narrowbacks, wetbacks, Manhattan College kids and professors, and other Bronx locals looking for something both familiar and different. It is now owned by the extremely Irish and distantly related Tony Caffrey – he assures me some of his family uses the “Mc” who is the spitting image of my grandfather, Spaghetti.

Here’s me and Tony C on the night in question.

Respected members of the Irish creative community like Colin Broderick, Larry Kerwin and Malachy McCourt have all appeared there to tell their stories, perform plays and readings.

https://www.facebook.com/bealbochtcafe.bronx/posts/we-would-like-to-thank-everyone-for-making-the-evening-with-malachy-mccourt-such/622439458106778/

Indeed, I have watched my dear friend and literary mentor, Colin Broderick, read there a few times.

https://www.colinbroderick.com/#:~:text=%E2%80%9CColin%20Broderick%20is%20in%20the%20front%20rank%20of%20Irish%20storytellers%E2%80%9D

So, it was with great anticipation and anxiety that I accepted an offer from my St. Maggie’s childhood friend, Packie Jo “Pat” Gilheany (the Manager of ABB) to come to to the Irish Mecca and read from The Claire Saga on September 25, 2024. It was to be my first return to Da Bronx as a writer and the first time I set foot in ABB, since my very enjoyable last meal and final night there with Lenny in (South) Riverdale, seven years ago. I left the Bronx the very next day.

Yes, now you know why I wear a beard. I was channeling Uncle Fester Addams that night.

To tell you the truth, I’ve been dying to read at ABB since TWA came out in 2021, but that desire rose exponentially once one of my essays made it into the defining Irish collection The Writing Irish of New York.

BTW, Colin B has written an amazing new movie being released called The Spin – https://www.thesun.ie/tv/11301647/love-island-maura-higgins-movie-new-career-spin/#:~:text=MAURA%20Higgins%20has%20landed%20her%20first%20major%20film%20role.%20Insiders

(Yes, cheesecake sells)

And his most recent novel, Once Upon A Time In Hell’s Kitchen, is to die for.

https://www.amazon.com/Once-Upon-Time-Hells-Kitchen-ebook/dp/B0D5YX25L1/ref=sr_1_1?crid=21VYYK13JO90U&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.qnJCVuARccL3xEzZI6EeM4LehC84oJs0tnl5nhJRn8MV3QCi4-KTw9N6ftCF21Y_KeIjwdAgQ0TB0e79xvD8OYR72Aqm5M-7KDsgDlgSxYo.L_q45-jtudqU62Y7h0eAOoKU32udqu_f_cKfTqmPpCs&dib_tag=se&keywords=Colin+Broderick&qid=1728125729&s=digital-text&sprefix=colin+broderick%2Cdigital-text%2C168&sr=1-1

Well, anyway, once Packie Jo made the invitation, I was hoping I could come to ABB and do a respectable job. That’s Packie Jo in the center between my large nephew Evan (oldest son of The Ginger) and myself.

Who am I kidding?! I am unconventional by nature – both as lawyer and writer – and so any hopes to be able to stand in that pub and command the attention of its rowdy customer base with a soft voice and precious demeanor quickly went by the wayside. I don’t even have a brogue.

To begin with, my audience was a mixture of family, old friends, really old friends, regular customers and people who came to see the troubadour perform immediately after me.

When the real seven O’Clock rolled around – the ABB wall clock is set 10 minutes fast to help with emptying out the place after last call – Scott Kennedy and Ryan Banga called the room to order. Then, while I stood at the mic trying to position myself in the dim light to read – suddenly a large wooden chair flew past me on the floor. Not knowing who the culprit was, and not wanting to antagonize the crowd, I opened with some humor.

“I was hoping you only brought rotten tomatoes.” I said, with a grin.

Then the cat calls started. I believe the instigator was my life-long frenemy, BC, who had arrived from Rochester along with his lovely wife, Nan (the basis for the stripper character in FJM – for the record she was never a stripper – although she had the goods had she chose that path).

(Left to right, BC, Me, Lenny and Nan – and yes, I am a Hobbit)

Although it was equally likely that Lenny started them off.

Now there were all kinds of people in the audience.

For example, there was my old friend from GF&M days – who is now a successful children’s author,Marissa Bañez – https://thefilam.net/archives/36349#:~:text=Add%2025%20more%20years%20and%20for%20lawyer%20Marissa%20Ba%C3%B1ez,%20her

Who later aided me during the raffle while Eileen Cotto – yes from the books –

caused quite the stir – but I’m getting ahead of myself.

There was also my old friend and Riverdale cheerleader Jen Dillon (I knew her older brother), who goes to a lot of book readings and really enjoyed this one, especially when I read the naked kitchen scene from FJM.

Anyway, for a while there it looked like the crowd had settled in and I could get through my selections,

But just when I lifted Finding Jimmy Moran and before I was about to read the naked kitchen scene Eileen Cotto stole the show.

Now I need to provide a little background to this moment. There were many other more lascivious moments in FJM, some involving a character based upon the young Eileen (ne Collins) herself. Indeed, another character in FJM accused the EC (“Maggie”) character of breaking an important piece of his anatomy. Enough said. But this naked kitchen scene involved her now dead brother Murray Collins and a totally fictitious Jimmy Moran, where Murray breaks into a purportedly empty apartment that was inhabited by a naked JM who was desperately trying to have it off with a voluptuous young woman in the bedroom.

Comedy ensues.

Well, I had warned EC that I would read this selection and when I raised the book to the microphone, EC, who had been standing by the bar with some of the other characters from the novels, finished her latest rum and coke, stood for a moment considering her next move and then toppled forward face down onto the wooden bar floor in the open space directly before me like a fallen Washington State Redwood.

For a moment, the place went silent. Then my nephew, Evan, yelled out, “Tommy, I think you killed her.”

The place errupted.

One of Marissa’s attending friends, a wonderful and attractive doctor, who attended St. Gabes in the 70s with the Lenahan brothers, rushed to EC’s aid while my SIL, Tara, an ER nurse also rendered assistance.

EC wasn’t moving, or conscious, until the doctor exclaimed to the crowd that we better call 911.

Then EC moaned, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Seeing that she was not dead, and her usual self, most of the crowd went about their business – ordering and serving drinks – taking photographs, and Marissa even used the opportunity to execute the hat raffle she had promised to hold for me – which was won by Scott Kennedy.

I stood looking quite helpless by the Mic, until my youngest brother – John – ran over and shouted that this would be a great time to get a photo with me, him and The Ginger (Eddie was unable to attend due to the decades old Bronx Bar rule barring all four McCaffrey brothers at one time in any establishment that serves liquor – Eddie switched in for The Ginger at the reading two nights later at Downey’s Bar & Grill). John got his shot.

But, it’s all about perspective, and the real moment was captured by Colin Broderick from behind.

Note the supine body of EC lying to the lower right of the camera shot. That is BC taking the photo.

The FDNY did arrive and EC, after flirting with them – God Bless all first responders for their service – for a short while and sharing her phone number, recovered,

And EC even managed to finagle a hug from Colin Broderick, who stopped by to make sure she was okay.

And when I attempted to call the room into order, explaining that EC had staged the entire scene just to avoid me reading the naked kitchen scene, Bronagh (phon?), the sassy and beautiful blond Irish barmaid shouted in the most seductive brogue, “If you told me you were about to read about naked men, I would have thrown myself on the floor!”

Well, that’s all it took to set the reading moving forward again, and I finished my abbreviated selections before the troubadour was to begin his set at 8:30 pm. He was great.

Of course, I hadn’t had a chance to talk to my mentor the whole night and when he slipped up beside me as I was packing my books, he said, in his best Northern brogue, “That was the most entertaining read I have ever attended. The people in this bar will remember this night forever.”

Tony Caffrey followed immediately with “I’m glad I didn’t miss this.” And then purchased a copy of TWA.

Then we took a photo.

When EC’s son arrived a little while later to collect his most recently and repetitively infamous mother, she called out. “I’ll see you all again on Friday.” And I responded equally loud, “You are going to have to really rise to the occasion to top tonight. Maybe light yourself on fire.”

So, a good time was had by all, and I am now forever recorded in the annals of Celtic Culture by having completed my first literary book read (and Fellini Circus) at An Beal Bocht Cafe.

Well, that was fun, but now I need to return to the mundane and do some chores.

The Farrier is coming this morning to see to Claire and Honey’s mani-pedis.

But first, some kitties to cuddle and rounds to make.

You fine, five readers set about your weekend errands, and then get to the funs part of Fall weekends.

And no matter what else we get up to, let us make today a great one.